First day of Day School (2) / last day of Day School (4)

Hassie Clare and Quinn started a Mother's Day Out / Day School program right after they turned 2 years old. I remember the feeling I had the first day we took them. Jamie and I were walking out of the building and I thought "Are we seriously just going to just leave them here? With strangers. In a strange building. They are only 2 years old. Who does that?" My legs were wobbly, my stomach was week and my heart was heavy. I sat in the parking lot for over an hour talking myself into driving away.

We spent the next 3 years getting up every Tuesday and Thursday morning and heading to school for 6 hours. And then one day it was over. My little girls were ready to be sent to big kid school.

On their last day of school this year we said our goodbyes to all 3 of the teachers they had during their 3 year stint. Our last stop was to the girls first teacher. She was the perfect first teacher for them and for me. She held my hand and comforted me as much as she did them. And then I lost it. I was sobbing. Of course I had just come from a co-workers funeral so that did not help my emotional state.  It was the end of an era. The end of their toddlerhood.

And so we left the building and walked to the car. And once again, my legs were wobbly, my stomach was week and my heart was heavy.

First day of school 2008 - 2 year old class with our beloved Mrs. Ilona.

I think they had just figured out that we were not going to stay with them at school.

First day of school 2009 - 3 year old class

Last day of school 2011 - 4 year old class. They are saying goodbye to their in-door playground. I assured them that their new school would have an awesome outdoor playground!

This is a video I took while loading up the car to take them to their first day of Mother's Day Out. Their sweet little baby voices brought tears to my eyes.

**Sweet nothings for me to remember - HC was obsessed with fireworks at this age. She talked about them all the time. Quinn had a tiny plastic baby that fit into the palm of her hand. She had it on her at all times and called her "Baby Crying." I saved this baby in a plastic bag with all their baby stuff. It probably still has finger jam hidden in the cracks.**

Guilty again .... the life of an overbooker.

I have been in a blogging funk. Not because of lack of material but because of lack of time, creativity, desire, etc. I have so many wonderful things to blog about: our fabulous Disney trip, Easter weekend in eastern TN,  Jenny's surprise 40th birthday party, our weekend getaway to the country, the girls "graduation" from their mother's day out program, registration for junior kindergarten and testing, HC's first round of antibiotics cause of strep .... and the list goes on and on and on.
My work hours have been hectic and consume most of my waking hours - minus our weekend adventures. I just finished up our summer social schedule and we only have 2 open weekends from now until Sept 1. NUTS. I've said it before and I'll say it again ... I'm a chronic overbooker.
Let's see .... what else. I've been eating everything and anything. I'm not gaining much weight cause I'm still working out....thankfully! I've started rewarding myself with sweets. The sweeter the better. I've NEVER done this before. I need to get a grip ... real soon!

I sent the invitations out today for the girls 5th birthday party next month. I'm all over this one.  First HC wanted a bubble gum party and Q wanted a My Little Pony Party. Then HC wanted a Bat Man party but Q told her she wasn't coming to a Bat Man party.  Then one day out of the blue they jointly decided on a Rapunzel party .... from the movie Tangled. Done! That day I came up with the invitations and ordered them, ordered wishing lanterns to set off and went to the fabric store to buy yellow yarn to make a giant hair braid.  The girls, with help from their nanny, started painting paper plates to make suns, butterflies and tons of other stuff. We will use their art work for decorations ... just like Rapunzel. We rented a water slide for the day and I booked Rapunzel to come make a personal appearance. She will sing songs, play a game, read a story and a few other things. Anyway ... it is a work in progress and we are all excited about their special day. Turning 5 is a huge deal!

We will be saying goodbye to our nanny next month. It will be a sad goodbye. I'll be hiring a new one for the summer. That is always a dreadful challenging project.
Our wild, crazy, sweet, loving, intelligent, spastic fur baby is going blind. Well, she pretty much is blind. She is only 8 years old. There might be a surgery that can save one of her eyes. We can find out for $2,600. I'm leaving this one up to Jamie. I'm a tightwad but she is our first born and our baby. 

My sister in law, friend, Godmother to my child, turned 40 last week. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH.

This is the only recent picture I have of us and it is a good example of how we act when we get our silly hats on.

Hassie Clare and Quinn start 4 year old Kindergarten, Junior Kindergarten, big girl school .... whatever the heck you call it. My babies are going to school:( They will wear uniforms and be in school 5 days a week for 8 hours. At the school we choose, we had the option of 4k or 5k. Our alternate school (in the city) we did not have a choice. They would have had to go to 4k (birthday cutoff is June 1.) Even though we choose 4k, I like having a choice. Although I think they are ready for 5k, I think another year of maturity will pay off in the long run. Who wants to send their 17 year old off to college!

I realized the other day that the girls are officially kids and not toddlers anymore. Example #1 -I was clipping HC's toenails and got disgusted because of her nasty "grocery store" feet. Example #2 - I've always loved Quinn's sweet morning breathe. She likes to snuggle with me nose to nose. Lately I've had to hold my breathe because it smells like a horse crawled in her mouth and pooped. Ahhh .... my sweet little ballerinas are growing up!

Mother's Day - 2011

My sweet, little chicklets know me so well. If you click on the picture, you can read the writting better.

My sweet, loving and ever so thoughtful husband got me with a bottle of perfume. While we were touring the countries at Epcot, we went into a perfume shop in France. We did this for 3 reasons. #1 - the store had air-conditioning. And #2, we were a hot, sweaty mess and needed a little somethin’ somethin’ to make us smell better. #3 - I love perfumes ...especially the ones you can't buy at a department store. What better place then a French perfume shop! I feel in love with this one perfume so I lathered the girls and I up with the scent. Jamie said we smelled like we bathed in a tub of orange slices on a beautiful spring day. PERFECT! Anyway, he took a pic of the bottle on his phone, shopped around on the internet and WALA ... surprised me with it for Mother's Day. The cool thing about it is that every time I wear it I think of us on our fantabulous vacation to Disney World.


The thoughtful gift made up for the fact that Jamie had to work on Mother's Day. But it turned out okay because I got to spend the day with my sister and Momma. I felt very lucky on mother's day for several reasons. I thought of all the women out there that desperately want to be a mother and for one reason or another can't. I thought of all the people out there that are sad on mother's day because their mom is deceased. I felt really lucky to spend the day with my sister on her first Mother's Day. I felt blessed to be surrounded by love the entire day even though we didn't do anything exciting.

I hope that I can be the mom I want to be someday. No regrets.... right?

Another Winery weekend in St. Gen .... with a cherry topper

That cherry topper is Penney Lane!! She is no longer a winery virgin. She added flare, charisma and a little more craziness to my group of Missouri girls .... if that is possible.

Amazing what smart phones capture on a good day with your girlfriends.

The last night EVER at the Saloon .... the best rat hole bar in southern MO. They closed it down for good that night. On more then one occasion we have ended up at the Saloon after the winery closes at sundown. Good times.  

Please don't ask .... I'm not sure what this one is all about but it cracked me up when someone emailed it to me. All I know is that I had a damn good time. Don't get mad Penney ....Hassie Clare and Quinn will probably look at this picture in 20 years and say "Yep. Not much has changed with Penney Lane and Momma." 

Also, please notice that it is still daylight in all of the pics. I've notice that the older we get, the shorter amount of time it takes us to get the party started. I have 3 or 4 different groups of girlfriends that I thoroughly enjoy spending time with. I think time away with your girlfriends should be a requirement. Not only does it create lifelong friendships, it's good for the soul!

1st Airplane ride - MEM to MCO

When planning our Disney trip, our gravest concerns were 1) Quinn on an airplane 2) Quinn's fear of characters at Disney 3) Quinn riding rides. We decided that we can't plan our lives around Quinn's fears. If we did, we would stay in our house 24/7, wearing nightgown's only, watching movies, doing arts and crafts that didn't make our hands messy and playing pretend. So we decided to take on this challenge, pad ourselves with loving patients and book it.

Jamie was 100% convinced that he would have to carry Quinn on the plane, kicking,screaming bloody murder, spitting and yelling for help. I had a little more faith in her. I didn't think she would have her melt down until the engines started, at which time she would bolt out of her seat screaming and attempting to jump through the small plane window. When Quinn has a melt down, it causes a MAJOR scene. And we all know how Jamie feels about attention from strangers:) I opted not to medicate her before the plane ride ... thought I would give her a chance to prove us wrong.

We used a crazy amount of frequent flyer miles for 4 direct flights from Memphis to Orlando, NON-STOP. 240,000 to be exact. Totally worth it!

We talked about it daily for months. We walked her through exactly what would happen, when it would happen and how everything would play out.

We had a "bribe" bag of candy full of every gum and candy they have wanted for the past 5 months. It was the bag of every 4 year olds dream! If we were at the grocery and they wanted some kind of candy then we would buy it and put it in the bag. But the deal was, they could not have any until we were on the plane. They were more excited about their candy bag then anything else about the trip.

We kept it extremely light before boarding the plane.

Riding the walking escalator over and over and over.

And prove us wrong she did .... thank you God! She treated it as another means of transportation. No issues from her... except who got to sit next to the window. Who would've thought!

HC and her bow looking for our house.

Watching Tangled with Baby Susie and Baby Angel Cake

Hassie Clare had some painful ear issues on our descent ... in fact, one ear is still bothering her. Note to self - might want to take her to the doc. She has been complaining about it daily for 2 weeks straight.

Now ...if only our gravest concerns #2 and #3 had went as smoothly :) But little did they know that the best week of their lives was about to take place!

Hippity Hoppity Easter is on the way .....

HAPPY EASTER



Time-outs @ Disney

Time outs at Disney were NON-EXISTENT! In fact, there was only one time-out in 7 days between 2 four year olds (we usually average a few a day) ..... and I happen to capture it on camera. As you can tell ... it was brutal.

And for the record, she got put in time out for repeatedly drinking pool water out of the pee-pee kiddy pool and licking the pool's germrail handrail.  It gives me the hibby gibbies just thinking about it!

Vacation Blues

It's almost been a month since my last blog entry and that is totally unacceptable. We have been busy little beavers. Not to mention we just got back from a weeks stay at the wonderful and magical Disney World.  I've never been sad about vacation being over. Time away from work and reality usually regenerates me and inspires me to tackle the world when I return. Not this time. I'm blue.... and a little red from the Florida sun.

But I'm perking up. Maema has been in town for the past week to help us out while our sweet, sweet nanny is in Paris. She is wonderful and such a huge help for me. We love having her in town and we are always sad to see her leave. The girls count the days until they can see their beloved Maema again.

So she left earlier today and now I'm blue again. But I'm super stoked about a last minute trip we just planned for this weekend to trip across Tennessee to spend Easter with my beautiful new niece, my sister, brother in law,  Nana and Pawpaw. So things are looking up. Obviously I have it rough.... a week at Disney, a MIL that rents a car and travels 5 hours to help us at a moments notice, a weekend get-a-way in the country with family. GEEZZZZ ... cry me a river!

So when the vacation blues start setting in I look at this picture and it tickles my funny bone.



Hassie Clare's first roller coaster. Jamie had to sneak her on the second time they rode it cause she wasn't quite big enough. Quinn cried the entire time they were riding this ride because she was afraid Hass would get scared or hurt.



Eleven Eleven

Right after we had the girls, I started noticing that I would look at the clock at exactly 11:11 every day. Sometimes twice a day. At first it freaked me out. Was it a sign of something bad to come? Was it a sign of luck? This went on for a couple months before I mentioned it to Jamie. Every time I would see 11:11, I would say out loud "It is Eleven Eleven." I tried to rationalize it by thinking that I had tons of down time on the couch feeding babies or pumping or rocking them in silence with only the clock to look at. And since I was consumed by keeping them on a schedule, maybe I looked at the clock all the time. But I quickly learned that it didn't matter where I was or what I was doing ... I would still look at the clock at 11:11.


When my spiritually void, non-deep thinking hubby suggested that is was a sign, he captured my attention immediately. He felt that the first two ones (11) represented Hassie Clare and Quinn and the last two ones (:11) represented their guardian angels... our "almost babies." From the second he said that to me I started to feel it instantly. I knew right then and there the reasoning of why I was blessed with the 11:11 gift.

It is now four and half years later and I might only check the clock 5 times a day, but at least one of those times it will be 11:11. Sometimes I wake up out of a dead sleep, glance at the clock and it is 11:11.

And every single time this happens, my heart fills with this indescribable feeling. It is almost like an adrenaline rush. I close my eyes and I think of my children's guardian angels/our almost babies/:11, and I tell them how thankful I am to them and how much I truly love them. Those 11:11 moments bring a sense of peace and love over me that completely and totally knock my socks off!

Snow Daze 2011

Hassie Clare and I LOVE LOVE LOVE snow. Jamie and Quinn tolerate it ... barely.
Ruby thinks it is the best thing that has ever happened to her.

Since Spring officially starts this weekend, I figured I better load some snow pictures from the past few months. No one wants to look at snow pictures with the air conditioning on!

Ruby's favorite thing in the whole world is ice cold water.

Please don't make me go inside. I promise I'm not cacacaca...cold.



Quinnie mostly stayed inside by the heater while looking out the window watching me and HC play in the snow.  Occasionally she would open the back door and holler "Hit mommy with a snow ball."



Paisley Breann

Born 3/2/11 @ 2:30 (her mother predicted the time EXACTLY that morning when we were taking friendly, family bets). It was the perfect day, the perfect birth and the perfect little girl was brought into this world by 2 loving parents. Perfect! All of it. I got to watch my baby sister be a rock star and pop out a 7.5 pound baby. I got to watch my mom fall in love with another grandchild. I got to see 2 new parents look into their first-born child’s eyes for the first time. It was perfect! And I'm extremely grateful to my brother-in-law and sister for letting me be a part of their perfect day.


Meet my beautiful, perfect and enormously loved niece Paisley:



She is only a few minutes old in this pic and already alert and looking around.






Going home from the hospital.

1st year of life - video montage

Here is a video montage of Hassie Clare and Quinn's first year of life (0-12 months). I made this a few years ago but I forgot about it until recently. Ahhh ... the memories!

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

5 1/2 Strawberries



This is the sign of a fun day outside! All drama aside (cause oh my lord, there was a bucket load of drama with each strawberry) the picture does not do their boo boo's justice.

 Don't ya just love care free days when you don't have a worry in the world? I'm starting to appreciate them more and welcoming them at anytime.  Last Saturday was one of those days. The weather was spectacular and it was the perfect day to spend outside, preferably being active and definitely being with family. We kicked our to-do list to the curb, packed a bag full of fruit, snacks and water, packed an emergency kit, grabbed a frisbee and loaded up our bikes and trailer to go out on an adventure.

Strawberry #1 - Hassie Clare fell running down our drive-way while doing warm up laps for our ride.

Strawberry #2 - We headed over to the tennis center. We ran around the tennis courts and collected abandoned tennis balls for Ruby. Quinn fell running after a tennis ball on the courts.

After our adventurous trip to the tennis center, we decided to ride over to the park. Jamie was feeling good, the girls were loving the ride and I was enjoying the awesome workout of hauling an extra 85-100 pounds on my bike!

Jamie teaching HC how to throw a frisbee. And of course our travel gear ...... thanks Maema!
  

We ran and played and snacked and climbed and giggled until our hearts were content.

After a few hours, we decided the snacks I packed were not enough to tide us over. So we packed everything up and rode down the street to The Big League. They have an outdoor patio and a few "heart healthy" items on the menu for Jamie.

Waiting on our grub.

Strawberry #3 - There is a giant hill near the sports bar that the girls love to climb. I can't remember how it happened but Quinn scored her second strawberry for the day.

Strawberry #4 & #5 & the 1/2 - When we got home the girls wanted to ride their bikes. After 45 minutes, HC bit the dust ... hard. She quite possibly could have just fallen out from pure exhaustion.

The girls bath water looked like swamp water ... and smelled a bit like it also. We were all tucked into bed by 7pm. Hauling those little turkeys around wore me out. But I went to bed with a clear mind and a happy heart!

family motto

The Thurman family 2011 motto:
"What doesn't kill us makes us stronger."
Amen.

Hassie Clare told me the other night as I was tucking her into bed that my hair looked like Cruella Ba Bill (Cruella Deville) cause it was half black and half white. The next day she asked me what the black sticks were on my legs. Needless to say, I've recently had my roots done and I shaved my legs. 

Did this past month really happen or was it just a bad dream?

I'll catch up soon. I promise. I think I can, I think I can.

More "what ifs"

I was downloading pics and videos off my camera today and I came across this video. I was laughing hysterically at Hassie Clare and Quinn until I heard the lyrics to the song in the back ground "everything could change in just one minute" and then I got goose bumps and cried like a baby. Then I would see Quinn do a funny, dramatic ballet (sort of) move and I would bust out laughing again. This video was taken right before midnight on New Year's Eve. The night before we almost lost Jamie.

After showing Jamie this video, he said that he didn't feel well when we were having Dance Party USA in the playroom. In fact, he said he was nauseous and dizzy during this song. Hello .... freakin heart attack #1. But he still sat there next to me with a smile on his face while we took video of our little ballerina's putting on a show for us. Ignorance is bliss I guess. Lesson learned!


Please excuse the inappropriate attire but that is how we roll in this family.


I'm ridiculously thankful that this was not our last great night together as a family.

It's official ... I'm married to an old man!

My significant other, partner, lover, best friend and soul mate turned 40 today. We were suppose to be in Disney World with our daughters celebrating his birthday but something "unexpected" came up a few weeks ago (see blog entry dated 1/10/11)! So, we rescheduled the Disney trip and I decided I would buy him a new TV. He has wanted one for years.

We dropped the girls off at Nana and Pawpaw's and headed to Best Buy. Of course I went in with a budget and size. But of course he feel in love with one that was twice my budget. So he tucked his head, poked his lip out and looked at me with those big brown eyes and said, "It would make my heart feel better." Without a second thought I told the salesman SOLD (after I got him to knock 10% off of course)!



HAPPY 40th BIRTHDAY JAMIE!!!!!



Six Minutes

Happy New Year - NOT

Saying the year started off on a bad note is an understatement. The good news is that I survived the worst day of my life. The better news is that Jamie survived the worst day of my life. I would say that it was the worst day of Jamie's life but he doesn't remember most of it ...... so.....

Here is a run down of the facts:

•  We went to the ER on New Year's Day because Jamie felt some pain in his shoulders and he was a bit nauseous the night before. He has had a pain in his chest for the past several months when he would exert himself. Our family doctor just blew it off and said he was fine (for the record he is no longer our doctor). We were both off work and we had a babysitter so we went to the ER for him to get checked out ... even though he felt completely fine at this point.
• ER took him right back and said it is probably GI related. Clean EKG. Vitals all looked perfect. Blood pressure and heart beat good. One final blood test showed an extremely elevated Triponin (spell?). Doc informed us that he had a mild heart attack in the past 24 hours even though he didn't present with the typical symptoms. They admitted him for an overnight stay in the hospital to run further test the next day and get checked out by a cardiologist.
• Later that night at 7:30pm New Years Day - Jamie and I are curled up in his hospital bed playing trivial pursuit on his phone. The nurse came in and suggested I go to get him something to eat since we had not eaten all day. Since Jamie was beating me at Trivial Pursuit, I decided to go get the food. I went across the street to Chilli's and got 2 salads to go.
• I returned at 7:52 with all our food. At first I thought I had the wrong floor. Then I thought maybe the doctor had shown up and all the interns and medical students were sitting in on the visit. But I quickly remembered it was not a teaching hospital. As I got closer I saw a blue, naked body laying on the hospital bed. I looked away quickly and felt sympathy for the poor guy laying on that table. Then I realized I knew that naked body. By this time, I'm in the doorway and watching as 12+ people are trying to resuscitate my husband. My beautiful, loving husband. I hear "clear" and they put the paddles on his chest.
• I'm not sure if I was in shock or not. I wasn't crying, I was not hysterical. For some reason I kept saying "He is only 39 years old." After they shocked him they still could not get a pulse. The room was chaotic and frantic. The ER doc told me to come in the room and give him a kiss. It was all very surreal. I went over and kissed his check and whispered "I love you" in his ear. Someone immediately yelled "We have a pulse." The ER doc told me to keep talking to him. He told me to tell him to fight like hell. And so I did. And the more I talked, the stronger his pulse got. I watched his body go from blue to pink. I watched him come back to life. And then suddenly, I started to freak out. A sound came out of me that I didn't know existed and I started crying loud and hard. The ER doc screamed at me to focus and to keep talking to him. I snapped out it pretty quick and I realize now that he did that to keep me from going into shock and totally freaking out at what I was witnessing. It was probably just a coincidence that Jamie came back to life once I was near him and talking to him. I guess we will never know. 
• He was without life for 6 minutes.  
• Once they got a pulse, heart rhythm, a central line in and a tube down his throat to breathe for him .... they rushed him down to the heart cath lab. They let me go with him. It was like something off of Grey's Anatomy. Once they closed the heart cath lab doors I was alone in this empty hallway in a deserted section of the hospital. And that is when I lost it.
• At some point I pulled myself off the cold, white floor and went to a waiting room. The only people in this big empty room was Lala and Bill - my mom's best friend. Evidently, while they were resuscitating Jamie, one of the medical staff told me to call someone to be with me. I sent a text to Lala saying "Can you come?" She had stopped by the ER earlier that day to check on us and of course all was fine. She must have been the last person that sent me a text so that must have been the reasoning behind me sending her a text. Fred and Vickie showed up a little bit later and I lost it again when my Freddie hugged me. 
• The heart cath was a success. 2 of his 3 main arteries were blocked - one was blocked 99% and the other 100%.  The surgery was a success and he was stable. They were not sure of brain damage at this point. The next big hurdle would be getting him off the ventilator. It was breathing for him 100%.
• Maema arrived right after the surgery. She had no idea what was going on. I called her that morning when Jamie was in the ER. Her momma instincts kicked in and she jumped in her car and came down even though I told her everything was fine and to not come. Thank goodness she didn't listen to me.
• The first 10 hours were critical.  The Cardiologist told me that if he made it past the first 4-5 hours that his chances of survival were good.   I sat in the chair next to his bed in the ICU counting the minutes, praying and sending him text messages. Here are some of those love texts:

Sent from my iPhone:

1/2/11 @ 3:35am - So im sitting here in the icu watching a ventilator breathe for you. You
scared me beyond words today. I cant believe what happened and i cant begin to describe to you how horrible it was and i pray you dont remember anything. Ive never been this scared in my life. You are my life and i cant do this wout you. I will never take one moment for granted that i get to spend with you. I love you so much. It has been 5 hours since you coded and i still cant take a deep breathe. You are so strong and i know the love you have for me and our family is strong. I KNOW you will fight and do anything you can to be with me. Ive made a lot of promises to the big man upstairs so when you get beter .... Look out!!! My sweet, sweet baby ... I love you so much.

1/2/11 @ 3:47
I kind of want to take a pic of you for some morbid reason. But i decided not to cause i never want to remember you this way. Sending you text mesgs make me calm .... Kind of like im talking to you. You are my best friend and my rock.

1/2/11 between 4am and 11ish
Finally some good news. Your lungs are clear.


My whiskers are already starting to come in so you better hurry up and get
better before i sprout a go-tee. God i love you.

I will probably get on your phone and delete all these wack job texts ive been
sending you. It is making me feel better. Cut me some slack, its 4 am, i still
havent eaten anything and im watching the love of me life fight for his life. I need you.


Have i ever told you how much i love our life together? You bring so much joy
and happiness to me. I never thought life could be so good. Please dont leave me.


You still snore a little bit even when a machine is breathing 100% for you.
Amazing. Truth be told, i love the sound of your snores. It is the thing that
seems normal about you right now.


I really had no idea what fear was until now. Thinking about losing you makes me
want to curl up in a ball in the corner and die with you. Then i think about our
precious baby girls. I keep looking at the pic of you and quinn at the redbirds
game. You guys look just alike. Ive shown everyone that comes in your room the
picture.


Wout you, nothing in this world makes sense. The next hurdle is getting you off
the ventilator. I keep hearing everyone talk about how physically strong you
are. They have no idea!!


They are going to slowly bring you out of sedation. They asked if i could handle
seeing you combative and upset ( ur still on a ventilator and they said it is
like trying to breathe through a straw). They said it might help if you hear a
loved ones voice telling you to calm down and fill you in on what is going on. I
feel like i can do anything after watching you code last night.
Ive been thinking alot about the first time we met. Great memories. I look
forward to many more.


God i hope you are not scared when they bring you out of sedation. I love you
more than anything!


So ... 5 days in the ICU and he came out of this like a rock star. Our lives will be forever changed, in more ways than one. I wish I would pour bleach on the part of my brain that holds the memories of that night. Sometimes when I lay in bed at night, the images of his eyes when he was without life are so vivid that I can smell the same smells I could that night when they were resuscitating him. Hopefully, with time, the images will fade.

We maxed out our deductible and maximum out of pocket expense on the first day of the year! Just the hospital bill alone is $122k. The rest of the bills from those 5 days are around $75k. Thank you God for insurance.

I would not call myself a "religious" person but I do consider myself a person of strong faith. I have never felt so protected and loved by my God during this time. There is no way I can put it into words. I have always thought it but now I know for certain that God will not give me more than I can handle. There are little things I could describe to give examples of this but I don't want to spill all me my darkest and most vulnerable moments!


In the ER the morning before his massive heart attack. We sent this pic to his mom to let her know that he was just fine. Just think ... this could have been the last pic I had of my handsome husband!




5 days later in the ICU. Everyone asked him if he "saw a light." When he told everyone he did not see the light his father in law (Freddie) told him he should be concerned about that! hehehehe