Six Minutes

Happy New Year - NOT

Saying the year started off on a bad note is an understatement. The good news is that I survived the worst day of my life. The better news is that Jamie survived the worst day of my life. I would say that it was the worst day of Jamie's life but he doesn't remember most of it ...... so.....

Here is a run down of the facts:

•  We went to the ER on New Year's Day because Jamie felt some pain in his shoulders and he was a bit nauseous the night before. He has had a pain in his chest for the past several months when he would exert himself. Our family doctor just blew it off and said he was fine (for the record he is no longer our doctor). We were both off work and we had a babysitter so we went to the ER for him to get checked out ... even though he felt completely fine at this point.
• ER took him right back and said it is probably GI related. Clean EKG. Vitals all looked perfect. Blood pressure and heart beat good. One final blood test showed an extremely elevated Triponin (spell?). Doc informed us that he had a mild heart attack in the past 24 hours even though he didn't present with the typical symptoms. They admitted him for an overnight stay in the hospital to run further test the next day and get checked out by a cardiologist.
• Later that night at 7:30pm New Years Day - Jamie and I are curled up in his hospital bed playing trivial pursuit on his phone. The nurse came in and suggested I go to get him something to eat since we had not eaten all day. Since Jamie was beating me at Trivial Pursuit, I decided to go get the food. I went across the street to Chilli's and got 2 salads to go.
• I returned at 7:52 with all our food. At first I thought I had the wrong floor. Then I thought maybe the doctor had shown up and all the interns and medical students were sitting in on the visit. But I quickly remembered it was not a teaching hospital. As I got closer I saw a blue, naked body laying on the hospital bed. I looked away quickly and felt sympathy for the poor guy laying on that table. Then I realized I knew that naked body. By this time, I'm in the doorway and watching as 12+ people are trying to resuscitate my husband. My beautiful, loving husband. I hear "clear" and they put the paddles on his chest.
• I'm not sure if I was in shock or not. I wasn't crying, I was not hysterical. For some reason I kept saying "He is only 39 years old." After they shocked him they still could not get a pulse. The room was chaotic and frantic. The ER doc told me to come in the room and give him a kiss. It was all very surreal. I went over and kissed his check and whispered "I love you" in his ear. Someone immediately yelled "We have a pulse." The ER doc told me to keep talking to him. He told me to tell him to fight like hell. And so I did. And the more I talked, the stronger his pulse got. I watched his body go from blue to pink. I watched him come back to life. And then suddenly, I started to freak out. A sound came out of me that I didn't know existed and I started crying loud and hard. The ER doc screamed at me to focus and to keep talking to him. I snapped out it pretty quick and I realize now that he did that to keep me from going into shock and totally freaking out at what I was witnessing. It was probably just a coincidence that Jamie came back to life once I was near him and talking to him. I guess we will never know. 
• He was without life for 6 minutes.  
• Once they got a pulse, heart rhythm, a central line in and a tube down his throat to breathe for him .... they rushed him down to the heart cath lab. They let me go with him. It was like something off of Grey's Anatomy. Once they closed the heart cath lab doors I was alone in this empty hallway in a deserted section of the hospital. And that is when I lost it.
• At some point I pulled myself off the cold, white floor and went to a waiting room. The only people in this big empty room was Lala and Bill - my mom's best friend. Evidently, while they were resuscitating Jamie, one of the medical staff told me to call someone to be with me. I sent a text to Lala saying "Can you come?" She had stopped by the ER earlier that day to check on us and of course all was fine. She must have been the last person that sent me a text so that must have been the reasoning behind me sending her a text. Fred and Vickie showed up a little bit later and I lost it again when my Freddie hugged me. 
• The heart cath was a success. 2 of his 3 main arteries were blocked - one was blocked 99% and the other 100%.  The surgery was a success and he was stable. They were not sure of brain damage at this point. The next big hurdle would be getting him off the ventilator. It was breathing for him 100%.
• Maema arrived right after the surgery. She had no idea what was going on. I called her that morning when Jamie was in the ER. Her momma instincts kicked in and she jumped in her car and came down even though I told her everything was fine and to not come. Thank goodness she didn't listen to me.
• The first 10 hours were critical.  The Cardiologist told me that if he made it past the first 4-5 hours that his chances of survival were good.   I sat in the chair next to his bed in the ICU counting the minutes, praying and sending him text messages. Here are some of those love texts:

Sent from my iPhone:

1/2/11 @ 3:35am - So im sitting here in the icu watching a ventilator breathe for you. You
scared me beyond words today. I cant believe what happened and i cant begin to describe to you how horrible it was and i pray you dont remember anything. Ive never been this scared in my life. You are my life and i cant do this wout you. I will never take one moment for granted that i get to spend with you. I love you so much. It has been 5 hours since you coded and i still cant take a deep breathe. You are so strong and i know the love you have for me and our family is strong. I KNOW you will fight and do anything you can to be with me. Ive made a lot of promises to the big man upstairs so when you get beter .... Look out!!! My sweet, sweet baby ... I love you so much.

1/2/11 @ 3:47
I kind of want to take a pic of you for some morbid reason. But i decided not to cause i never want to remember you this way. Sending you text mesgs make me calm .... Kind of like im talking to you. You are my best friend and my rock.

1/2/11 between 4am and 11ish
Finally some good news. Your lungs are clear.


My whiskers are already starting to come in so you better hurry up and get
better before i sprout a go-tee. God i love you.

I will probably get on your phone and delete all these wack job texts ive been
sending you. It is making me feel better. Cut me some slack, its 4 am, i still
havent eaten anything and im watching the love of me life fight for his life. I need you.


Have i ever told you how much i love our life together? You bring so much joy
and happiness to me. I never thought life could be so good. Please dont leave me.


You still snore a little bit even when a machine is breathing 100% for you.
Amazing. Truth be told, i love the sound of your snores. It is the thing that
seems normal about you right now.


I really had no idea what fear was until now. Thinking about losing you makes me
want to curl up in a ball in the corner and die with you. Then i think about our
precious baby girls. I keep looking at the pic of you and quinn at the redbirds
game. You guys look just alike. Ive shown everyone that comes in your room the
picture.


Wout you, nothing in this world makes sense. The next hurdle is getting you off
the ventilator. I keep hearing everyone talk about how physically strong you
are. They have no idea!!


They are going to slowly bring you out of sedation. They asked if i could handle
seeing you combative and upset ( ur still on a ventilator and they said it is
like trying to breathe through a straw). They said it might help if you hear a
loved ones voice telling you to calm down and fill you in on what is going on. I
feel like i can do anything after watching you code last night.
Ive been thinking alot about the first time we met. Great memories. I look
forward to many more.


God i hope you are not scared when they bring you out of sedation. I love you
more than anything!


So ... 5 days in the ICU and he came out of this like a rock star. Our lives will be forever changed, in more ways than one. I wish I would pour bleach on the part of my brain that holds the memories of that night. Sometimes when I lay in bed at night, the images of his eyes when he was without life are so vivid that I can smell the same smells I could that night when they were resuscitating him. Hopefully, with time, the images will fade.

We maxed out our deductible and maximum out of pocket expense on the first day of the year! Just the hospital bill alone is $122k. The rest of the bills from those 5 days are around $75k. Thank you God for insurance.

I would not call myself a "religious" person but I do consider myself a person of strong faith. I have never felt so protected and loved by my God during this time. There is no way I can put it into words. I have always thought it but now I know for certain that God will not give me more than I can handle. There are little things I could describe to give examples of this but I don't want to spill all me my darkest and most vulnerable moments!


In the ER the morning before his massive heart attack. We sent this pic to his mom to let her know that he was just fine. Just think ... this could have been the last pic I had of my handsome husband!




5 days later in the ICU. Everyone asked him if he "saw a light." When he told everyone he did not see the light his father in law (Freddie) told him he should be concerned about that! hehehehe