Way back When-esday: 9 days old

When I look at this picture, I can remember the euphoric feeling I had when I held both of my babies at the same time, for the first time. Up until this point, the NICU staff was only comfortable with disconnecting one of the babies at a time in case of an emergency. I walked into the NICU when they first opened that Tuesday morning and my favorite NICU nurse said "They are both doing great. No apnea episodes in 24 hours. Do you want to hold both of your babies at the same time today?" They disconnected all of their wires and layed them both on my chest. The feelings that I had were overwhelming. I think for the first time I let myself relax and I knew that both of them were going to be okay. Afterwards the nurses helped me latch each of the babies to my breast - up until this point I had only pumped.  I knew at that moment they would be coming home with us soon and that we would be a family once and for all.  

I was by myself but luckily one of them took a picture with the NICU camera to capture this moment for me.

Quinn is on the left and Hassie Clare is on the right. They weighed a total of 9.2 pounds in this picture.

Tales of Easter 2010

Easter is my mom's favorite holiday. In our family, you can't think of Easter without thinking of my mom. She even has an Easter village set up in her house for cripes sake!
So this year, we let her be the Easter bunny. Because ... realistically .. she kind of IS the Easter Bunny!
Just like when I was a kid, we dyed easter eggs on saturday evening and made Easter cookies. Sunday morning we got up and headed over to Nana's and Papa's with empty easter baskets, a smoked boston butt and a "made from scratch" carrot cake (and no I didn't make it). We spent the afternoon eating, hunting easter eggs and playing in the park. It was a relaxing and enjoyable day.

Peter Cotton Hassie Clare ... man I love that pretty bunny!

At the farm (mentioned in previous post) - still waiting on the "real" picture in the mail. This was just Jamie taking pics of them from behind the photographer.

Before their Easter celebration at school.

With their teacher Mrs. Pam coloring eggs (with markers .. not dye! Can you imagine dying eggs with 8 three year olds?)

Dying eggs with Nana and Aunt Amy.

Quinnie Ray putting stickers on her eggs ... of course they were color cordinated and lined up perfectly.

Hassie Clare could not stop eating the eggs long enough to decorate them!

Peeking at their Easter Baskets at Nana's house. We told the girls that the Easter Bunny could not come to our house because of the home remodeling project - which wasn't a lie. Our house was in shambles at the time!  

Hunting eggs in Nana and Papa's backyard (cousin Josie supervising)

Hassie Clare AKA "Hassie The Egg Hoarder"

Quinn and her new Easter baby going for the golden money egg ... That's my girl!

Hassie Clare and cousin Jack at the top of a rock climbing wall at the park. As they say in these parts, "Those two got picked off the same butt!"

Thanks mom for another great Easter!

Maema's Closet

The title reflects what I think my mother in law should name her kid's boutique ... if she ever opened one. The woman has impeccable taste in high end children's clothes. Not only that, she is a bargin hunter and buys the items at good prices. All I'm saying is that Ebay is her best friend!


She devotes hours of her time and lots of mula to keep her granddaughter's in the cutest clothes. I think it has become a hobby to her. An expensive hobby ... but one that I thoroughly enjoy and appreciate.

Twice a year she makes the 5-hour trip to our house to bring 2 seasons (spring/summer or fall/winter) of clothing, shoes and bows. Her Durango is LOADED down to the max. LOADED. She lets me go through everything and pick out my favorite outfits. I'll put it this way, my daughters could wear a different outfit every day until the end of summer and never wear the same thing twice. And that is just the outfits I pick out of the many tubs and boxes of clothes she buys. She usually leaves with about half of what she came with. Some think it is ridiculous (her boyfriend for instance) but I think it is generous and super cute because of how much she enjoys doing this for us.

Our 5 days with Maema was a blast! We went to a local farm for a friend’s birthday party, ate some good grub and enjoyed every minute with her. She spoils all of us! Thank you Maema for all that you do for us but mainly … for just being you!

These little girls love their Maema so much. You can see it in their eyes!

Maema had to bribe Quinn with candy to get her to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap!

Our friend Garrett's birthday party was great! Chik-Fila nuggets, snacks and the best birthday cake. His very talented mom did a great job on everything!

 

Hello Collarbone

So I'm 82 days (a week shy of 3 months) into my new eating habits .... not that I'm counting. This mornings weigh-in confirmed that I have lost 40 pounds. I understand that 40 pounds is A LOT and that it is a big deal but I have a lot more to go. I'm kind of in a slump right now so I didn't get that excited about the big 4 O. But I won't lie, seeing parts of my skeletal structure again has been rewarding ... it's been awhile since I've seen them.
The past 2 weeks have been rough on my diet - my birthday, Maema in town, Easter, home renovations (no access to my kitchen for 5 days). So I thought if I blogged about some of my goals it would help me be accountable.


I started exercising again about 6 weeks ago. Man o' man ... I can't get enough. I was an athlete up until about 12 years ago. My entire life until then was consumed by sports. I had a great high school and college career. I even had a full ride for undergrad and graduate school. Playing sports paid 100% for my education. With that came a lot of hard work. For 10ish years I had coaches determining my every move. They planned my daily events, my classes, my sleep schedule, my vacations, my meals, my EVERYTHING. Not just in season but year around (minus the summer of 93 when our entire coaching staff quit and they didn't rehire anyone for 3 months.... that was a good summer:).

After Grad school I moved back to my hometown and I dropped sports and anything related to my athletic past like a hot potatoes. It was liberating. It felt good. I felt free.

Fast forward 12 years, a husband, twins, health issues, fertility treatments, desk job, bad shoulders and knees from all the years of sports ....... and I was in a place I never thought I would let myself be. I was in horrible shape and 80 pounds overweight (really about 115 but I haven't weighed that since junior high school). I'm 6'1 for pete's sake.

It was the one thing in my life I didn't try to control. So what did I do ... I took control. Amazingly enough, it has been a fairly easy 2.5 months. The first 2 weeks were HORRIBLE. I was starving. I had headaches. All I could think about was food. And then around day 10 it all went away. About 7 or 8 weeks into it I had lost 25 pounds and felt like I needed to start exercising. I joined a gym and started taking every class I could until I found something I really liked. Being a team sport person, I thrive in a group setting. Turns out I’m addicted to Spinning and a class called Pump (one hour of weights with a high heart rate). I also enjoy step aerobics and body combat classes. Classes work for me. I push myself harder for whatever reason.

I've been working out now for about 6 weeks. I make every effort to get to the gym 6 days a week. Trust me it is not always easy but I look forward to it every day. I forget about everything about 20 mins into the workout. No stress, no kids, no family, no work, no phone, no computer, no animals, NOTHING but me. The hard part is being away from my family so I try to work around their schedule. For instance, I go early sat mornings before they wake up. I'm home from a 2-hour workout by the time they finish breakfast.

So here are list of my goals from when I started this journey:

· stick to a diet plan 100% for 30 days straight - CHECK

· give up caffeine - CHECK

· lose the weight of one of the girls (32 pounds) by my 36th birthday - CHECK

· start exercising - CHECK

· Exercise for 1 hour at least 4 times a week - CHECK

· run 1 mile without stopping (I HATE RUNNING) - CHECK

· run 2 miles without stopping ( I HATE RUNNING) - CHECK

· Lose 40 pounds within 3 months - CHECK

· Lose 50 pounds within 4.5 months

· Lose 80 pounds by September 1, 2010

· Continue working out a minimum of 3 days a week

So there you have it. I'm ashamed that I became "that person" I always said I'd never be but I'm proud that I've made a change. I’m pissed that I can lose 40 pounds and still wear the same size clothes. Granted, I was popping out of them all over the place (picture a can of biscuits after you pop it open) and I couldn't breathe before and now they are super baggy. I'm even madder that gravity is not my friend.  

But the bottom line is that I feel in control and that makes me happy. I have 2 little girls that will grow up in a society that has unrealistic ideas of what a woman’s body should look like. The least I can do is teach them to eat healthy, exercise and feel good about themselves, regardless of what size they wear or what they look like. This was my motivation when I started this journey.

I've said it before and I'll say it again .... I WILL NOT FAIL AT THIS.

3 year old class Spring Program

The girls had their first "program" at school (it is just a Mother's Day Out twice a week for 6 hours but we like to call it school.) Maema made a special trip all the way from Missouri. They sang the cutest songs. I will admit that I cried like a baby when they first walked out … and continued crying well into the program. It took my breath away. They looked so grown up. My tears were due to various emotions. Mostly just tears of pride. Few were tears of sadness because they went from babies, to walking out on the alter (the program was in the church) in a line with their class, following directions from a teacher and singing songs that I did not teach them. How did this happen? Where did the time go? Why am I already having trouble remembering details of them as a baby? It makes my heart feel heavy and sad that my time with my children as babies is numbered.


But at the same time I’m very thankful that they are growing up and developing into their own person. They are healthy and happy. And I guess as I Mother that is all I can ask for … right? But ohhh …. What I would give to have one more day with them with they were a little baby!

Anyway, the shocking part of the program was Hassie Clare. She was acting SO shy and never once looked up at the crowd. She normally loves to be the center of attention. She kept her head down the ENTIRE program. Those long curls were draped in front of her face. One of the teachers thought she had turned around backwards! She did all the hand movements but we could not see her face to see if see was singing.

Quinn (normally she does not like to be the center of attention) stood up there and sang every song, waved to us several times in the crowd and seemed to really enjoy herself.

You can see HC doing the hand gestures ... but not her face. She said she was "tired."

Saying the Pledge of Allegiance (sniff ...sniff)

With Maema in the lobby after the program (I think she shed a few tears during the program also:)

Our attempt at a" long overdue" family photo.

Spring Challange of 2010

Dear Quinn Rayann,

Lately I’ve needed a challenge of some sort. At first I thought the challenge I desired was with my career. You quickly showed me that I should not take on any other challenges at this time and for that … I thank you.

You are my challenge and I want to make sure that don’t make too many mistakes along the way. Avoiding mistakes with you require a great deal of patients, deep breathing and control. Did I mention patients?

The thing is, I understand you. I get it. However, your sense of reasoning is way off due to only being 3.5 years old. You have all these rules about your hair, your clothes, sleeves on your pajamas, your bath towel, your blanket that covers you up at night … EVERYTHING!

For instance, this morning while I was getting you dressed for Mother’s Day Out you immediately looked over at the clothes I had picked out for you to wear and said in your whiniest voice, “Those shoes hurt my feet.” It is always something. The shoes are comfy tennis shoes (the Converse Chuck Taylor’s that Maema just bought you) that fit you perfectly. Somehow, you manage to walk around the house for hours in 2-inch high heel, plastic, princess shoes without one complaint. So for about half an hour Hassie Clare and I had to listen to you whine, cry and hop around the house like you were in major pain. Then I had to hold you down while I put Band-Aids on the back of your feet because you insisted that the tennis shoes were giving you blisters.

Then there is your hair. The only way I can prevent a major meltdown is by pulling a tiny ponytail of only the top part of your hair over to the side with a bow (see every picture for the past 6 months). The ponytail can’t stick out – it must lay flat. The ponytail must be loose and the bow perfect or your head might spin off. You keep telling me that when you are 4 years old you will let me fix your hair a different way. We shall see!

The funny thing is that you have these meltdowns almost every morning that I get you dressed and ready for school. Then we get to school and you are a perfect angel. You never get in trouble at school. In fact, no one would ever believe that you are anything but a laid back, easygoing kid.

You are independent and strong but at the same time you have the most sensitive and innocent soul I’ve ever known. This makes it difficult to parent you. I find myself handling you with delicate, white gloves. You break so easy and so often. I don’t want to break you. I want to teach you other ways of handling your dilemmas (this is my official challenge statement)!

Part of the difficulty for me is that your cry breaks my heart. When you look at me with those beautiful, big blue eyes with gigantic alligator tears running down your face …. all I want to do is scoop you up, tell you everything will be alright and give you anything you want.

I’m writing you this letter because someday if you have a little girl and you are concerned that she is possessed because … oh I don’t know … her sock line isn’t perfectly straight with her toes or God forbid there are fuzz balls on her socks ….. and she screams and spits for 2 hours while saying every bad word she knows (booty, poo poo, stinky, poophead). If you call me to tell me all this and all I do is laugh … you can’t get mad at me. Because I will be picturing your precious little toddler face and reminiscing about the challenge I took in 2010.

I love you disco,
Mommy

Half monkey, half little girl

Seriously, Hassie Clare can climb anything and contort her body into any shape. It is a talent, however I would rather her not practice her talent for safety reasons. We went to another play date at The Little Gym. We love that place and it is right down the street from our house. I think we are going to join after this semester of ballet and tap is over.

My mom and Amy met us up there to watch the girls run around and act crazy. Quinn is a safety girl and it is so sweet to watch Hassie Clare help her with things and hold her hand when she is scared.  I say this all the time but watching them interact and the twin bond they share is one of the coolest things I've ever witnessed.

Hassie Clare's upper body strength is unbelievable.

HC and Nana (her monkey like skills make Nanan nervous).  

Check out the pic on my blog in the top right hand corner. Same place, same hanging bar only 2 years later. HC has a frown because we were getting ready to leave.  She is in her element at this place.