HELLO CRAZY LADY ... its been awhile

I've been having hip pain on one side for a few weeks. It feels muscular and it is probably a hip flexor. It hurts during Spinning class and a day or two after Spinning class ... which I do about 3 times a week. Last night I crawled into bed and my good hip locked up or did something crazy. I was paralyzed with pain for about 20 seconds. The intense pain subsided but I still feel discomfort. Feels totally different than muscular pain. This is where my crazy lady syndrome kicks into HIGH gear.
The lights are off, I'm laying in bed with a gazillion thoughts running through my head. And suddenly I remember years ago my oncologist asking me if I ever have hip pain. And then my mind starts racing more. I've been tired a lot lately, both hips are hurting for no apparent reason .... oh lordy ... my cancer must be back. I try to rationalize with myself, pulling statistics out of the back of my head - the chance of recurrence after 11 years is less than .05%. But still .... my freakin hips are killing me and I'm so dang tired all the time. Gotta be cancer. After a few hours of worrying about everything known to cancer, motherhood, kids, my will, work, etc. I finally drifted off to sleep.
As the years have gone by, the fears of my cancer returning have diminished. At the 5 year cancer free mark, I decided I would not let that ugly disease control my thoughts. And for the most part, I only think about it twice a year when I visit the cancer clinic. I know the culprit of crazy lady coming to visit me. One of my dear friends wrote a book. It was recently published and sits on the selves of many book stores. I got a copy hot off the press but it sat on my night stand for 6 weeks ... until this week. I could not bring myself to read it even though I read the pre-edited version a few years ago.  I knew reading the book would mess with my mind and crazy lady would show her ugly face. Anyway, I read it cover to cover the other night. It is a beautiful story about a young woman battling cancer while falling in love. It is her memoir. While our stories are different, there are several similarities and many things we went through together. I'm totally flattered that she thanked me in her acknowledgments and that she mentions me a few times in her book. I love her and my boyfriend her smokin' hot hubby and I have not doubt that we will be BFF's until the end. But her book brought the crazy lady out in me for sure!


This is my girlfriend Michi's (short for Michelle) book. This is her on the cover ... isn't she stunning?

 So back to me and my self diagnosis. First thing this morning I planned on calling my Oncologist. I woke up a little more clear headed and decided I would rationally think about what is going on with my body. I googled hip pain and concluded that my pain is most likely coming from exercise and not stretching adequately. I'm tired all the time because I work full time, have young kids, coach soccer, in RCIA class, a volunteeraholic, I'm room mom, I'm re-financing our house and the list goes on and on and on. My daily schedule is NUTS and it is 100% my fault. I should just focus on my work and family and say to hell with the rest. But I can't. Obviously I thrive on staying crazy busy from 4:45am until 8:30pm at night. When I'm rested, I realize that I love it and I would not have it any other way. Now .... if I could just get crazy lady to stay away so that I can get some rest at night!!!

PS - Just for grins and giggles, I called my oncologist and had them add some scans and extra tests to my next appointment. Damn you Michi and your good book!

PSS - You can get a copy on NOOK, hard back or soft cover. http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-i-lost-my-uterus-and-found-my-voice-michelle-l-whitlock/1108056659